Paper Unicorns

Do you know what absolutely triggers me in the worst way? Ghosting. Now, it shouldn’t, right? Fuck them if they don’t want to be in my life and don’t respect me enough to tell me what I did, or didn’t do. Yet… it does. A lot. I think it’s because it’s usually done to me by people who I really care about or consider to be important in my life. They just up and vanish one day. At first, I think they are just busy which is obviously normal, but then days turn into weeks turns into months. These days it is even worse when you have them on a social media app (aka Discord) and see them online… yet they don’t respond to you. Again, it’s fine if you are busy but I don’t think you are so busy that you can’t even say hello or ‘hey sorry I have been busy’ after a month. No, that is just ghosting.

Someone I care about a great deal, and who is one of my longest “friends” (I say that with quotes because if they were my friend, they wouldn’t ghost me) so I literally just said to them, “Hey, next time you are in town, we should grab lunch together?’ and they don’t reply to that and talk about something else. So, I ask again a few weeks later, and they never reply to me ever again. Literally. Talk about slap across the face. I don’t know what hurts worse… them not replying or the fact that they were so offended that I asked them to have lunch that they felt that they had to cut me out of their life. Just to make sure I wasn’t blowing this out of proportion in my head, I wished them Merry Christmas yesterday. Nothing. They have not wished me Merry Christmas before. I don’t understand nor will I ever. They were my best friend at one point in my life, so they know me better than so many people.. yet here we are. Man, I really really hate ghosting. Never treat people like that. Be an adult and tell them if you don’t want to see them or talk to them or whatever. Show some respect and class.

Well, looking back at the last post that I had written, I can surely tell you that it was not a real sign. After the dreams and weird coincidences that popped up, it seemed that everything stopped happening along those lines. I am pretty sure I was just living in some weird fantasy world in my head that my teen self would have been honored to see me create. Maybe I am just lonely? Who knows. However, not long after I wrote the last post… the FYP videos and signs stopped. He no longer showed up on my timeline or anything so I am not sure what that was all about. The dreams stopped as well. So, while Prince Charming didn’t come riding in on a white horse like I had hoped, 2021 still had its ups (and downs).

First off, I got my dream job. Now, had to asked me in May 2021 if I would ever work for this company, I would have laughed and said no. My brain couldn’t think of a single way for me to work for this company because it is a gaming company. I have zero programming or 3D modeling knowledge so it wasn’t like I could make the game. I have no idea how people get into Q&A testing so while finding bugs for a video game sounds amazing, I had no idea how that would be relevant to my skill set. But alas… fate decided to shine it’s beautiful golden glow down on me and blessed me with an opportunity… one that I almost didn’t take. I was at a great job doing what I loved and making decent money (not really but better than what I had been in previous jobs.. wait no that isn’t true either… just an easy job) plus I was working from home which was the biggest plus. However, I was shown a job position at this company that I was *perfect* for! It was a social media manager! I could do that! That is what I was doing at my current job! So, I applied… and 5 interviews later… I was hired! It is 100% work from home and it is absolutely perfect. The company actually respects its employees and pays really well. I am SO BLESSED that the Universe granted me this job because I can literally live anywhere in the world and still work this job and that is amazing to me. It was also great that it popped up when it did because my former job decided that it was no longer going to be work from home after 2 years, and that wasn’t something I was willing to give up. Now I don’t have to.

There has been zero movements on the relationship front. No love in 2021 for me. I was supposed to go on a trip and I had invited my good friend to go with me but alas, the panini said no. The guy friend I had invited has been in my life for like 10 years and I did have strong feelings for him at one point so who knows what would have happened if it did work out. Could have moved to a completely new state! But, alas, wasn’t meant to be in 2021. My ex also talked to me quite a bit in 2021 but it’s funny how in 20+ years, he has not changed at all. He never does anything for his own happiness and since he seems to be giving off the vibes of pure misery in his current situation, but refuses to do anything about it, that seems like a waste of life. Hopefully, he finds peace and is able to realize that life is far too short to be unhappy… plus he is preventing his girlfriend from finding someone who DOES want to marry her. Seems pretty selfish to me, but oh well, his life.

Let us hope that 2022 is full of wonderful things, new memories, and hopefully… for my sake… love because I am tired of being single.

I should start off with a backstory because I feel like that would only make sense as to why I am asking the question in my title. When I was younger, like high school age younger, I had this dream about, let’s call him, John. It’s crazy how a dream from over 20 years ago can still be with me but it is. So anyway, in this dream I was in a crowd of people where John was in the middle. We, as in the people in my dream with me, we’re sort of standing around him in a circle while he did whatever he was doing at the time (that part, is hazy, but hey… 20 years…) and he reached his hand out to me. I remember he was wearing this gold ring on his hand that was reaching for me and when I reached back to touch his hand, a crazy explosion of light/electricity exploded from his hand. I woke up after that and I remember feeling like it meant something. I never dreamt of John again.

Until now.

For the past few days, I have been asking for a sign because recently, John started popping up in my thoughts again. I don’t know why but somebody I hadn’t thought about for 20+ years all of a sudden was at the forefront of my brain. I remembered past convos, memories, etc. and they flooded my thoughts. He then started popping up on social media as a recommended follow, etc. It has been driving me bonkers because it has been such a long time that it makes me frustrated that my brain just is like ‘hey remember all those old feelings? yea? Here you go!’ Anyway, it has gotten to the point where I needed answers. I 100% believe in the 5D stuff, so sorry if you don’t. So, I had asked my spirits for a sign. I said that if I am being crazy to show me a certain symbol and if I am not crazy and he is important somehow to show me another symbol.

I was on TikTok (shush, don’t judge me) and my FYP has been FULL of tarot card/oracle readings lately. I usually flip right through them because they all say the same thing. Literally, if you are trying to figure out your life, please don’t base it off of TikTok Tarot Readers. They will all say the same thing (you will find abundance, your crush wants you, etc.) and then have you “share, like and follow to claim!’. If it was a real reading, fate isn’t going to care if you share or follow somebody’s tarot reading. Anywho, as I was flipping I came across this one TikTok of this lady talking about fake tarot readers. As I said, I never watch, but I decided to watch this one. Anyway, she basically just said the above stuff so, like I always do, I read the comments and she had two video responses. I clicked the first one and right there in plain sight was the symbol I asked for my spirits to show me if I am not crazy and he was indeed important.

Now, if you know me, you know that I second guess everything. Everything. So, I thought maybe it was just a weird coincidence but then I saw another one! So I asked again for a sign because I am annoying like that, and I had a dream last night with John in it. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and aren’t sure if it was a dream or not. Have you had those dreams? Where you are asleep but also not? Like, you wake up mid dream and then go right back to sleep but your brain is still stuck in the dream. Basically, I dreamt that John posted something on Twitter and it had my first name in it and I heard ‘this is your sign!’ which to me means that somebody was like ‘STOP ASKING FOR A SIGN’. Alas, he didn’t actually post anything with my name so it was indeed a dream but dang it was so real. So, now my second-guessing self is all ‘maybe you were thinking about signs before going to bed so your brain conjured it up.’ I must drive my spirit guides absolutely bonkers. Honestly.

When I bought this blog, I had a billion ideas racing through my head. My heart wanted me to write about the horrific things I have been reading everyday but I was so worked up over it, that I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe? It blows my mind that if this was 10 years ago, I’d be like a weeks worth of posts in already because I had lots to say on my former blog!

Speaking of which, I guess I wish I could find that passion again. The first domain name that I ever felt connected to was eclipsedsky.net which is a beautiful, poetic name without any real ties to it. One day, when it was time to renew, I decided that I wanted a ‘fresh start’ and created intothesky.net (it may have been intothesky.org but my brain cannot remember!) but alas, that sparked zero creativity in me and it did absolutely nothing. I also had faded.nu and vintagelove.org lol. You can probably guess how those worked out for me!

Now I am back with paperunicorns.net (I, for some reason, really love the .net extension compared to .com) and I am really hoping this leads to a lifestyle blog that I can stick with! Fingers crossed that it doesn’t just become a huge random rant blog for me because honestly, that is usually what fires up my writing. I need a place to vent! Now, I do want to say that everything I write is my opinion. I try very hard to keep an open mind about subjects but here is the thing about me.. if I find something that I get passionate about, I start digging into resources. I especially start digging if I get horrified or amazing about something! I need proof, facts, reasoning! So, here we are. Lets see where this journey takes us, shall we?